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Episode 407 of AKBingo! is all about the bitches I mean dogs and their idol owners who love them so much. Well for the first half of the show anyway. The second half focuses on the members who don’t like dogs and fake their love for them for the sake of saving face in public.

The episode starts with the duo of Woman Rush Hour discussing how they are dog lovers. A photo of Nakagawa Paradise’s pet Chihuahua is shown for all the members of AKB to get excited over and scream “Kawaii!!” It’s pointed out that his dog looks a lot like him which proves the adage “dogs look like the owners” to be true in this particular case.

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Muramoto says he has a Shih Tzu named Elle who comes to his bed to fall asleep under his arm. The members of course react with excitement. That is short lived as Muramoto follows up with the news that his dog died. He then talks about his cat Leo who would always come up to him when he was lying down. That brings the mood of the members up and then back down again after Muramoto says that cat died as well.

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Cue shots of the members sitting confused and in sad silence over Muramoto’s lack of a living pet before moving on to the meat of the show.

The battle portion of the program is a contest where the featured pet owners show how much they love their dogs by playing out a scenario as if they were at home. After all of them have presented the members watching will vote on who was the best at showing their affection for their pet.
The competitors on this episode are:

  • Kojima Natsuki & her Toy Poodle Candy
  • Komiyama Haruka & her Chihuahua Rion
  • Muto Tomu & Beagle Oguri
  • Izuta Rina & her Chihuahua Jerry

Kojima Natsuki is up first and she really loves her dog. Candy is well behaved while patiently waiting for her master to come home. When Kojima unleashes Candy she lets the dog run around on her face. After that she snuggles Candy and starts nibbling on various parts of the body as if she were Kuramochi Asuka attacking people’s ears.

In the post love fest interview Kojima says she showed a toned down version of what she does with her dog at home. She also sniffs her dog’s butt and doesn’t mind if Candy takes a dump while she’s all up in that ass. Muramoto calls her out for being a freak who likes dog poop.

Nishino Miki then asks if she likes it if the poop get on Kojima’s face, she replies with “It’s totally fine.” If poop is stuck on her nose then she gets to spend the entire day smelling Candy’s poop. That revelation brings out loud shock from the other members.

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Muramoto says that Candy could represent a boyfriend type figure to Kojima and when the day comes when she graduates and finds a man, she’ll stick her boyfriend’s poop on her face instead. Kojima replies that if it’s someone she loves, their poop on her face is okay.

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For example, she’s very close to Kato Rena and would gladly wear her poop. Muramoto says there are lots of fans watching who are nodding heir head in agreement.

The next challenger is Komiyama Haruka. Her dog immediately starts barking at her when she arrives and then runs away after being unleashed. After a short walk around the set Rion returns to Komiyama. They start playing by running back and forth but then Rion goes into some sort of spin cycle mode and starts running around in circles.

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The dog briefly starts to look at the camera, whoring it up in between laps until finally returning to Komiyama’s lap as time expires. In the post segment interview Komiyama is asked why her dog suddenly went loopy. To which she replies that she had never seen that before. The general feeling from the members was that there was no affection between Komiyama and her dog Rion and that the dog was doing its best to run away from her and taste sweet freedom.

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During this time Kojima’s dog Candy has fallen asleep. The girls gush over how cute and baby-like the dog looks. Muramoto takes the opportunity to scare the dog awake, raising the ire of the AKB members. He tells them bitches to shut up, in a nice way of course.

Next is Muto Tomu and Oguri. Oguri gets aggressive with Tomu first hitting her in the eye with a head butt and then licking her face. Things settle down and they play some command games for doggie treats. After Oguri gets a treat, he licks Tomu’s face again giving her a taste of what he just ate. And that ends time.

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Tomu is asked if she liked getting licked in the face since she didn’t seem to enjoy it a lot in the segment. She says she likes it a lot. Muaramoto asks her to try again with her dog. Oguri gets all aggressive on her licking her face and head butts her again, this time knocking her to the ground. Her dog is full of energy.

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Izuta Rina? She was on this show? OK. So her dog is either trembling with fear or really cold. Izuta starts to play with her dog but it seems that Jerry is making her do all the work while playing catch. That’s about the extent of her segment that was worth mentioning.

Once all 4 competitors are done showing how much they love their dogs it’s time for the members to vote on who is the most affectionate and the biggest dog lover. The overwhelming vote is for Kojima with all the members raising their hand for her. By default she wins.

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The second half of the program focuses on who has been faking their love of dogs and are in fact dog haters. The ones who get called out are Watanabe Mayu, Kashiwagi Yuki and Mukaichi Mion. Mayu mentions that the filming of Labrador Retriever was hell due to all the large dogs. She can handle small dogs but bigger dogs such as Tomu’s are a no no.

Watanabe and Kashiwagi also mentioned they were chased by dogs in the past. Mukaichi on the other hand, has never had a pet and wouldn’t know how to handle one. If she were to see a dog at a convenience store she would find a detour to avoid it.

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The three members who are dog haters don’t want to have that stigma attached to them and would prefer to be called “Dog Beginners” instead, bringing into question about how much they care about their public image.

An impromptu roundtable is created and the “Dog Beginners” are asked why they don’t like dogs. Points like aggressiveness and noise are brought up. The fact that a dog might charge them is scary. Dogs are also noisy, but the dog owners argue that they are cute and are good companions they can talk to and get comfort from in different ways from another human.

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As the discussion goes on Oguri gets lose and the “Dog Beginners” head for the hills in fear. In order to settle things down Muramoto asks Taniguchi if she has a pet. She owns a parrot, that leads to Muramoto talking about his parrot and how it would leave its cage and fly to him. But his late cat ate the parrot.

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With the mood brought down the members don’t want to hear anymore tragic pet stories and an awkward transition is made back to focusing on the dogs. The beginners are then challenged to pet Izuta’s dog, which is shivering like mad by this time. There are no issues with petting Jerry and it looks like all 3 dog haters are getting comfortable. Then Muto approaches with Oguri and they all go running because her dog is “big”.

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Well it looks like Izuta Rina has managed to make her way back on to AKBingo! and was in a featured segment for the second week in a row. Good for her I guess? Anyway, the big take away from this episode is that Kojima Natsuki won’t mind if her dog or Kato Rena drops a deuce on her face. It’s all love.