I haven’t watched the C-ute farewell concert. Not yet, anyway. I’m scarred.

I was into H!P the most during the mid-2000’s. The last unit I liked before I fell out with High-King (Kobushi Factory is the group that has gotten me more interested in H!P these days). Consider me one of those fans who left once Elder Club had their mass exodus. While the H!P kids were never my favorites, I’ve always enjoyed watching them, whether it be them during the Sports Festival, or when C-ute went out to the country side with Yaguchi Mari.

Even after I stopped actively following the label, it was always at arms-length. I would check out stuff occasionally, like if a single came out and someone recommended me to listen. With Elder Club gone, and when the last of the Morning Musume members I knew graduated, the kids were there. The kids were always the constant.

But even the kids got to grow up. When the news broke that Berryz Koubou were going to disband in 2015, I was sad. Again, I never was a huge fan of them, but I’ve seen them grow up. They were there when I was around, so of course I was going to see them off. I’m so happy that I got to watch their farewell concert live. I don’t have the same emotions for C-ute’s farewell concert.

With C-ute disbanded, there is no H!P member left from when I was into the label. I’m not ready to make it official.

I’ve always like C-ute more, so that’s one reason why it’s different. There is more emotional investment in them. Yajima Maimi will forever be in my top 5 H!P members all-time. The most important thing, however, is that I like C-ute’s music more. Although both groups have jams, C-ute’s later music has resonated more. Turn The Next Corner alone revitalized my C-ute fandom, and even brought it to a new level. That’s why it’s tough for me to watch the concert.

If I didn’t have this second coming of C-ute fandom, I would’ve watched the concert ASAP, shed some tears, then moved on. But the combination of my fandom with the ending of the H!P I’m most familiar with, it’s hard to hit play.

Apologies to the modern era of H!P. I have plenty of friends who still enjoy the music today. Perhaps one day I’ll enjoy Kobushi Factory in the same way I do C-ute or the other groups of yesteryear. But my heart remains in the past. I’m not ready to have my era of H!P fandom be completely in the past. Please forgive me for not watching C-ute perform one last time.

I will, just not sure when.